2 years 2 months.

It still hurts.

But I'll move on. So will he.

Its better this way for both of us. I'll heal. Sooner or later.

Thanks for everything, ben ben de.

A game of tug of war

It seems like the both of us isn't letting go.


I'm gonna lie low for now. Watch and observe.

Please make sure I do it.

Let me go...

The past 3 days feel like an eternity. The days seem exceptionally long, the nights are no better.

I was shocked when I saw you yesterday. I didnt know what to do, and everything I had planned seem to crumble when I saw you. I've never seen you so lost before. It scares me.

2 days isn't really a long time if you think about it. But what will come out of the 2 days and beyond is what I dare not face. I don't want you to feel obligated to stay. Perhaps this really matters alot to you, but somehow, its not enough. Its just not enough.

If you'd just let me go, things wouldn't have turned so ugly. Instead, you're holding me on a string, refusing to let me go, but not being able to pull in the string. It hurts 10 times worse this way, for both of us.

I know deep down inside, even if we survive this mountain climb, things will really never be the same again. Even though there's a possibility that we could really come out strong enough to withstand all storms.

When you wanted it quits, I was ready to go. To give it all up and heal on my own. You then told me not to leave. Now I'm confused. So terribly confused. It seemed to affect you more than it affected me. I felt so helpless. At that very moment, both of us were struggling inside. We were struggling so hard to decide whether to follow our minds, or our hearts.

I have half a mind to call it quits too. The other half tells me to stay and take it slow. This is not the person I want to become, but I dont know what else I can do. I blame her for appearing. I blame myself for not being firm. I blame you for everything that you did.

Now, you seem to be pushing me away, but whenever I take a step away, you pull me back. For a reason you cant identify too. I dont know what you want, you dont know what you want too.

You're just plain selfish. You dont want to lose everything in one shot.

I don't hate you, though I wish I did. Just to cover and numb the pain.

Round and round the mulberry bush

Its been a tough 2 weeks. Went emotionally uphill and downhill on a rollercoaster ride.

Being so easily contented, the chapter closes for now, but it has been bookmarked for easy reference.

As for now, I'm recovering from those sleepless nights and mental tortures. This calls for many episodes of self indulgence.

Not forgetting, a very happy birthday to you dear! Its a day for celebration! You're getting older!