It's been really good so far, the kind that sends tingles up my spine and down to my toes once again. Simple the way I've always been craving for, back to the bare necessities that we were born to seek satisfaction for.

A sense of belonging, a sense of assurance, a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold, a hug when needed, a smile and a peck on the lips and tons of cuddles, it's finally all settling in. A little fuzzy at times, a little scary, a little freaky, very much heartwarming, very much blissful and definitely lots of smiles and laughters.

Time is never on our side, a sigh that means so much. It's just a tiny obstacle, we'll leap over it, we'll manouver round it, however we go about it, it's really nothing significant.

Concerns have been ironed out, issues straightened out, worries a little overwhelming though.

As beautiful the days ahead seem, there's always a tiny dark corner inside, pleading to be forgotten. I just don't want history to repeat.

That's just a teenie weenie shadow somewhere. The sun is still really bright and sunny.

Exactly one year ago, I was struggling with a horrible break up, was totally down in the dumps, emotionally.

Exactly one year later, I'm happy, indescribable happy.

Sometimes you just have to hit the all time low, to bounce back up. A sudden reminder of what Jasmine said that one year ago, "You have to lose something in order to gain something."

I've gained so much more ever since then, I am my own person now, not emotionally dependent on someone who's not always there. Bringing these lessons learnt with me, its now a whole new experience and something I've never imagined possible.

It still hasn't sunk it entirely yet, its so real, yet so fuzzy, so natural, yet so restricted in more ways than one. But it's fine, really. It hasn't been long, but the duration doesn't constitute to knowing someone, does it?

It's been an amazing ride so far, and I do hope I complement you like how you do so for me.

I just can't stop smiling inside...

It's not easy when you hear someone say horrible, horrible things about you that ain't true.

But it's 10 times harder when you hear someone say really mean things about the people you love and care about.

The worst thing, you can't do anything about it. Nothing.

Every single thing said feels like a stab right through. It hurts so bad, so bad you wished it was all a dream, that you can turn back the clock to undo it all. When it really comes down to it, I know I'm much stronger than this.

I've been through worse, this is going to be over soon.

Words can't kill.

At times, when a relationship go downhill, is there a perfect timing to end it, or a perfect scenario, or a perfect mode of delivery to inflict the least amount of pain?

Unfortunately not.

In personality tests I did in the past, to the question "What would you do when you start to realise there's a problem in the relationship?", my answer would always be, stick it out and try to work it out.

That was before I was attached of course.

Now, I've come to realise, that there's never an absolute direction to head, or a definite route to follow. The destination is clear, but en route that, the angel and the devil in me fight it out. It's never easy, and no matter what, its an end to something I started, albeit the fact that it was a mistake, it was MY mistake and I let it happen.

It's something I have to do, for him and for myself. I don't blame him for whatever's coming or has come, no matter how things turn out in the end, whether we can still be friends, its no one's fault but mine, for letting a mistake happen.

Heartfelt words he'll never get to see or hear about, it probably doesn't matter cos I've become the worst in his eyes. But, if that makes him feel better, so be it.

I wish you love, and all things nice. You'll find that one person I never can become, and hopefully, she'll make you the best you can ever be. Like you said, "life goes on...", in your world and the one I call my own.

Rules of the game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!

1. I do not eat egg yolks, I usually eat my way around them.


2. I like to go all the way to the airport just to find a corner to read. Yes, I live in Jurong.


3. I do not drink milk, I just can't stand the smell of it.


4. When I'm superly duperly stressed, I talk to myself, or in events like my computer is acting up on me in stressful situations, I talk to the PC.


5. I really love notebooks, all kinds. But if they're too pretty, I'd be too worried about ruining them.


6. I like flowers as they are, but I do not like receiving them. I have no idea why. Really.


7. I secretly wish to travel around the world alone.


8. Most would know that I often say I don't have a childhood. Few would know I really don't have one. I spent my days cooped up at home in front of the television, cos I couldn't go anywhere.


9. I cannot sleep without my blanket, and covered from neck to toe.


10. I can eat ice cream for breakfast.

You're tagged!

Elaine
Lynne
Maymay
Farena
Ling

Or anyone else for that matter! Have fun!

Angels or Devils?

I know I have blogged about this before, and yet, I'm still stuck in this maze that Fate has set out for me. We're all puppets of the master named Fate, no doubt. Nonetheless, do we bow to it, or challenge it in search of our own happiness?

When in doubt, does one step entirely out of the unbalanced equation, or to charge head first into a sea of uncertainty and insanity? I am confused, caught in this whirlwind that none of us in the equation has control over. With that, I can't help but question, do I still let things I have no control over happen as they come, or do I take it into my own hands, seeing the consequences, the only uncertainty belongs to a world of another?

That's right, this isn't suppose to happen. At least not in such a manner.

I miss you babe, but I'll leave you to fight your demons. Just let me know whenever you're ready, I'll be right beside you in no time.