I'm humongously tired, and I don't know how to continue. I want to crawl into my boyfriend's arms to sleep, but, he's not here, he's...2 days away.

Here I am, doing all I can to make Friday happen, I'm working so hard to do nothing. All I want to do is sleep, laze and repeat that process till the day ends.

Today marks the day I sign on the dotted line.




No, I did not just get married. I signed up to be a member of Planet Fitness. I know it's no big deal, well, it is a BIG deal for me. Me, who never exercised, failed every single one of my NAPFA tests, has just spent $800 and committed 1 year to that club. I wonder what came over me.

I lost my train of thoughts. I'm out. Bye.

It's just about the same

I like to sit alone amidst bustling crowds.
I like to watch people.
I like to sit in a corner with a book and sink myself into my own chosen world.
I like to take long bus rides.I love to go to the airport to read.
I like to shut myself out from the world from time to time.
I like to stop thinking once in a while.
I like to write out my thoughts on books I keep, and read them over and over again.
I like to reminise every now and then.
I like being a little melancholic, just to find balance within myself.
I like to write to myself, to see myself in the third person perspective.
I like to drown in my thoughts and write them down while on long bus rides.
I like it when I receive a nice message amidst a humongous workload.
I like it even more when the message makes me smile to myself.
I like it when people wish me good morning.
I like it when I satisfy a craving, regardless how simple it is.
I like it when something unexpected happens, and turns out well.
I like warm and fuzzy feelings.
I try my best not to delete nice messages.
I talk to myself when I'm super duperly stressed.
I love romantic comedies.
I think ALOT.
I love the smell of babies.
I love men perfumes more than perfumes for women.
I like to cook.
I like to write out song lyrics.
I love dark chocolate.
I like to buy cards for people I love.
I love smurfs!
I shop for therapy.
I do not like train rides.
I get chills from scratching my nails against paper, or most things for that matter.
I do not drink milk.
I do not like egg yolks.
I am very easily satisfied and pleased, simple gestures do wonders.
I can be very indecisive.
I absolutely hate it when I put in effort to do something for someone, and I don't get appreciated.

Posted about 2 years ago, seems to me, nothing much has changed.

The things I put myself through, and bash myself up for

There are certain things I do that leave myself bewildered. Actions that repeatedly tell myself not to do, but I still do anyway, and then the vicious cycle continues, and sigh, I wonder why.

Classic example, like today, my dearest boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go watch him play soccer. The following thought process will then proceed to run through my head: I don't get to see him much, what harm would it be if I just go down to watch him play, I just want to spend time together with him.

When I'm there, we don't talk, he doesn't even look at me, I get irritated cos I go all the way there to watch him play and he doesn't even acknowledge my presence, I remind myself not to come the next time, I get even more irritated cos he's going to spend all the Sundays in the entire month of September playing soccer, which effectively leaves a couple of hours I'll see him a week, excluding half the Saturday we spend sleeping like there's no tomorrow. It probably will be even less considering the number of events I have in September.

I spend half my journey home feeling pissed cos he didn't even bother saying hi, one-quarter of it feeling worried that he's in pain, the remaining quarter thinking that since he wanted to play, he shouldn't be complaining. Following which, I send myself into the vicious cycle again, telling myself I will NOT attend any of the Sunday games cos I'd end up feeling like I wasted my time, and pissed and upset cos I'm of less importance than the idiotic ball. In the end, I get pissed at myself for knowing that ultimately, I'll still go, and that I'm unable to stick to what I initially planned to do - which is humiliatingly upsetting to come to terms with.

Most of the time, I can't decide if I'm more pissed at myself cos I would put in effort to not dress too sloppily so that he wouldn't 'lose face' in front of his colleagues. While the feelings build up, I start to feel silly for even bothering cos I'm not introduced anyway. It probably wouldn't matter if I turned up in an old, raggy t-shirt and ratty shorts. Then again, I'd be too embarrassed about myself.

Once again, I tell myself, I shall leave him alone and spend my Sunday at home in peace, and let him miss me for a little bit. Oh, shut up Sheena.

I'm out.

I shall be materialistic for a little while, and indulge my bimbo alter ego for a bit.

Stacy and I were drooling over these heart-melting beauties from Tiffany's today...




Then I found this gorgeous darlings along the way....




Oh well, that's all for now while I escape my fantasies and step right back into the real world, just in time to head into lalala land. I'll never bring myself to spend that kind of money on such stuff. I know, it's not much, to some. But I just CAN"T.

I'm tired. Exhausted, mentally and physically. I suppose loving the job makes me go on without any, I mean, less complains. 6 months into it, and loving every single moment of it. The only problem, I'm losing track of my stuff, burning out, I can't write, cos I'm too tired, I need my break soon, even if it's just a day, so be it.

Why can't I get the day of LIFE's indulgences? I want.