Night out with the girls and guys never fails. Dbl O did her thing for us and it was marvellous that we all had a spanking good time without anyone getting wasted. The guy on the podium nearly screamed my ears off despite the blasting music.
Full attendance, almost. We fare better not putting in so much effort planning for a night out.
Sex on the beach is tantalizing.
I feel like packing my bags, to somewhere, foreign and intimidating. Maybe I should consider the free ticket to New York seriously.
Then again, better not.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Incarnadine glow in the musty darkness
A news I won't put off as shocking, despite the unfamiliarity yet familiarity of the involved, clouded our discussion topics barely hours ago. None to be spoken of here, those who know, would know, those who don't, perhaps, would soon hear of it, judging from the speed of news travelling. At least for now, it doesn't involve me, in case it arouses the curiosity of any, I'm speaking from a third party point of view.
That aside, the JJG has always talked about organising a get-together, a proper one, where everyone would attend. As always, nothing concrete surfaced, somehow, our schedules always clashed, one way or another. This time round, with Terence heading down under for pilot training, it HAS to surface this time round.
Wear our uniforms for a "back to the past" experience?
Do a as always barbeque session at our usual place?
6 years since we graduated, and we still miss our Mano days. An episode touched too much upon, yet impossible to repeat, buried deep and reminisced often.
Laughters so genuine, time so treasured, whispers of naiveness, glows of youthfulness surrounds us from day to day.
Recalling what David said that day, "when you're 16, you can't wait to be 18, when you're 18, you can't wait to be 21, when you're 21, time flies like never before, and all you want, is to return to the time you were 16."
Swiss Cottage Secondary School.
A place we learnt, laughed and cried. A place where developed people I place high regards in. Despite a neighbourhood school some scorned upon, it shown amongst the murky waters.
A sudden jerk of reminder of the coming Chinese New Year, no stressful boyfriend's family visit this time, just a whole lot of gatherings, spelling fun, peace and not forgetting, a whole lot of laughter.
This break is probably a call for rest, to slow down and sniff the flowers a little, grow a little garden and breathe the air, of course, swing the swings and engulf my mind in literature and music.
If truth be told, I am enjoying this, thoroughly, ignoring the little knots that come tied along.
Something is glowing, a bright and fascinating light, a pull on one's heart strings, a thug on one's firm foothold, a pair of gloves in the merciless snow, a forgiving hug in an unforgiving chapter, an unpretentious smile in a world of complexity, it's the glow that exudes from within, simple, yet textured with meanings.
It's a detaching drinking session with the tightest of friends.
It's the tightest of all bindings that make your feet suffer, yet you chose it to avoid injuries that make you suffer.
It's the most genuine laughter, in the psuedo state of mind.
It's to love the one who can't reciprocate, and yet to not be able to reciprocate the one who loves you.
It's sad, yet that's the way it is.
It's watching Romeo and Juliet in the music room, lying on our tummies, in our school uniforms, tearing at the littlest details, doing the silent run through of the text in our heads, once again.
The colours seem to fade away, yet the monotony of details glow through, slicing through the clutter like a sushi knife, sharp and intended.
That aside, the JJG has always talked about organising a get-together, a proper one, where everyone would attend. As always, nothing concrete surfaced, somehow, our schedules always clashed, one way or another. This time round, with Terence heading down under for pilot training, it HAS to surface this time round.
Wear our uniforms for a "back to the past" experience?
Do a as always barbeque session at our usual place?
6 years since we graduated, and we still miss our Mano days. An episode touched too much upon, yet impossible to repeat, buried deep and reminisced often.
Laughters so genuine, time so treasured, whispers of naiveness, glows of youthfulness surrounds us from day to day.
Recalling what David said that day, "when you're 16, you can't wait to be 18, when you're 18, you can't wait to be 21, when you're 21, time flies like never before, and all you want, is to return to the time you were 16."
Swiss Cottage Secondary School.
A place we learnt, laughed and cried. A place where developed people I place high regards in. Despite a neighbourhood school some scorned upon, it shown amongst the murky waters.
A sudden jerk of reminder of the coming Chinese New Year, no stressful boyfriend's family visit this time, just a whole lot of gatherings, spelling fun, peace and not forgetting, a whole lot of laughter.
This break is probably a call for rest, to slow down and sniff the flowers a little, grow a little garden and breathe the air, of course, swing the swings and engulf my mind in literature and music.
If truth be told, I am enjoying this, thoroughly, ignoring the little knots that come tied along.
Something is glowing, a bright and fascinating light, a pull on one's heart strings, a thug on one's firm foothold, a pair of gloves in the merciless snow, a forgiving hug in an unforgiving chapter, an unpretentious smile in a world of complexity, it's the glow that exudes from within, simple, yet textured with meanings.
It's a detaching drinking session with the tightest of friends.
It's the tightest of all bindings that make your feet suffer, yet you chose it to avoid injuries that make you suffer.
It's the most genuine laughter, in the psuedo state of mind.
It's to love the one who can't reciprocate, and yet to not be able to reciprocate the one who loves you.
It's sad, yet that's the way it is.
It's watching Romeo and Juliet in the music room, lying on our tummies, in our school uniforms, tearing at the littlest details, doing the silent run through of the text in our heads, once again.
The colours seem to fade away, yet the monotony of details glow through, slicing through the clutter like a sushi knife, sharp and intended.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
It should be so.
The man stays home, day to day, watching serials after serials, newspapers after newspapers, catching reality shows that his children have never heard of. He knows every single piece of news in the papers, every single piece of gossip that no one else truly cares about.
The wife heads out for work, before the sun rises, before any single member of the family rises, only to return home after dark, unknowingly falling asleep within minutes.
This happens day after day, month after month, has it been years? With reality blurred and foggy, what stands true remains hidden.
A sick sense of disappointment washes over like a gigantic tsunami wave. Is there a reason to stay in, to see all these, to be reminded of the reality, or do against will, only to return after all is calm, a bare hint of what it should be, quiet and welcoming?
When was the last time you've seen him walking through that door, at the same time everyone else's should? No intentions to snide, just questions and doubts of what should all be. Years ago, that's the answer, with only an inkling of how heartwarming that felt.
There's only so much she can do. That's all.
The wife heads out for work, before the sun rises, before any single member of the family rises, only to return home after dark, unknowingly falling asleep within minutes.
This happens day after day, month after month, has it been years? With reality blurred and foggy, what stands true remains hidden.
A sick sense of disappointment washes over like a gigantic tsunami wave. Is there a reason to stay in, to see all these, to be reminded of the reality, or do against will, only to return after all is calm, a bare hint of what it should be, quiet and welcoming?
When was the last time you've seen him walking through that door, at the same time everyone else's should? No intentions to snide, just questions and doubts of what should all be. Years ago, that's the answer, with only an inkling of how heartwarming that felt.
There's only so much she can do. That's all.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
salient.
You know, I've never believed that long distance relationships could work. Yes, not even now.
It's not a matter of controlling my partner, I doubt I've much done so in my past relationships, but more of a "I need him when I want someone to hold." kind of mentality. Not exactly bull's eye on my point, but at least, he would be within touch, within reach, a real being.
Of course, no matter where he is, he's just going to be a phone call away, a message away so on and so forth.
Nonetheless, it's different. Just, different.
Factor in the time differences, the culture differences, the different lifestyles, the list goes on and on, mirroring the list of frustrations that attribute to the wear and tear of a relationship.
I've realised, I can't put down the differences. They're flashing in front of me, non-stop. They ar there, all right, undeniable, discriminating and constantly conscious. I can't walk down that one straight road without a single thought of whether that stranger is looking at me, or if that stranger there is dying to ask me something.
No I can't.
Some things are better left unsaid, though the unsaid thoughts for both him and her thunder a million thoughts, drilling a thousand nails, etching truth so deep they can't be mended.
There are times when truly, smile because it happened.
It's not a matter of controlling my partner, I doubt I've much done so in my past relationships, but more of a "I need him when I want someone to hold." kind of mentality. Not exactly bull's eye on my point, but at least, he would be within touch, within reach, a real being.
Of course, no matter where he is, he's just going to be a phone call away, a message away so on and so forth.
Nonetheless, it's different. Just, different.
Factor in the time differences, the culture differences, the different lifestyles, the list goes on and on, mirroring the list of frustrations that attribute to the wear and tear of a relationship.
I've realised, I can't put down the differences. They're flashing in front of me, non-stop. They ar there, all right, undeniable, discriminating and constantly conscious. I can't walk down that one straight road without a single thought of whether that stranger is looking at me, or if that stranger there is dying to ask me something.
No I can't.
Some things are better left unsaid, though the unsaid thoughts for both him and her thunder a million thoughts, drilling a thousand nails, etching truth so deep they can't be mended.
There are times when truly, smile because it happened.
A technicolour dreamcoat.
When something major happens in your life, and as much as you want to bury it deep down inside, somewhere that can't be reached despite the desperate need to, yet, all you want, is to brush it away for now.
When that particular thing boils to the top, bubbling like some hot liquid, forcing its way to the surface, ignoring all pleas to stay buried, all you want to do is to tell just that one person, just to make yourself feel better, hoping that the one person could bring light and positivity into the somehow mad rush downhill scenario.
Yet, all you can do, is smile to yourself, reminding yourself that, it's not going to happen, cos that person somehow seems too occupied, or too caught up in whatever's happening, some priorities way above you at this point.
The very person you wanted to be the first to know, may turn out to be, unfortunately, the very last person to know. By then, I hope, things wouldn't matter at all, cos it has taken a turn for the better, that whatever is swirling through my head now may all seem like a figment of my imagination.
For now, I shall leave you in your own world, where things are all flowery and nice, at least that's what it seems to me, I'll colour my own world, a technicolor dreamcoat.
When that particular thing boils to the top, bubbling like some hot liquid, forcing its way to the surface, ignoring all pleas to stay buried, all you want to do is to tell just that one person, just to make yourself feel better, hoping that the one person could bring light and positivity into the somehow mad rush downhill scenario.
Yet, all you can do, is smile to yourself, reminding yourself that, it's not going to happen, cos that person somehow seems too occupied, or too caught up in whatever's happening, some priorities way above you at this point.
The very person you wanted to be the first to know, may turn out to be, unfortunately, the very last person to know. By then, I hope, things wouldn't matter at all, cos it has taken a turn for the better, that whatever is swirling through my head now may all seem like a figment of my imagination.
For now, I shall leave you in your own world, where things are all flowery and nice, at least that's what it seems to me, I'll colour my own world, a technicolor dreamcoat.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
the last day of twenty o six
Indulgz-ing in Sweet Memories
Childhood revived and recaptured on film
Melodiously stepping into 2007
See-saw rainbows.
We all seek this balance in our lives. It could mean differently to different individuals, the areas we have to support, the aspects we have to weigh and so on and so forth.
Many a times, the number of such areas becomes unknowingly too much for each of us to support, yet we’re on our own. Friends, family, work, play, relationships, the list is non-exhaustive. Things may be fine occasionally, when the individual weights aren’t that much for us to take, at other times, some aspects weigh down on us so much, we give up on the other sides of the see-saw.
Some are able to do so, with little hiccups, with good time management and efforts put in.
Others do not even realize that this see-saw of theirs is tilting so much on one side, perhaps, a result of them being too wrapped up in the other side.
We indulge in the imbalance most of the times cos of preference, and varying priority levels. Seldom do we rejoice in the successful balance in all aspects, probably due to the low frequency of such an event.
Are we to blame, or are we to reflect?
We could immerse deeper and deeper into the priority at that point in time, neglecting the otherwise. Without realization, it could be gone, before you manage to save anything.
Many a times, the number of such areas becomes unknowingly too much for each of us to support, yet we’re on our own. Friends, family, work, play, relationships, the list is non-exhaustive. Things may be fine occasionally, when the individual weights aren’t that much for us to take, at other times, some aspects weigh down on us so much, we give up on the other sides of the see-saw.
Some are able to do so, with little hiccups, with good time management and efforts put in.
Others do not even realize that this see-saw of theirs is tilting so much on one side, perhaps, a result of them being too wrapped up in the other side.
We indulge in the imbalance most of the times cos of preference, and varying priority levels. Seldom do we rejoice in the successful balance in all aspects, probably due to the low frequency of such an event.
Are we to blame, or are we to reflect?
We could immerse deeper and deeper into the priority at that point in time, neglecting the otherwise. Without realization, it could be gone, before you manage to save anything.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
All in all.
2006's been an eventful year, probably mentioned it a thousand and one times, the girl and I had even listed down the major happenings that went by in a flash this year, and let's say, we surprised even ourselves!
Melancholic thoughts were running through my mind last night and robbed me a tad too much of my sleep. The urge to get up and write it down was intense, but as much as it is, my butt was asleep already.
I had wanted to jot down this post for memories' sake, few would know that I re-read my diary entries time to time. At times, I choose to simply tear it to pieces - these are happenings that I want erased from my mind. At other moments, all I want is to pen it down, be it a happy moment or a moment that I was hurting real bad, to serve as a reminder and a lesson learnt. Events and words that mean nothing to others, yet mean so much to me, cos they are pieces of my memories, that made me behave and think the way I am now.
May 2006
A really bad and in the dumps period, when my slightly after 2 year relationship came to an abrupt end. It hit me hard. My mind went a little haywire for awhile. Being over and done with, I guess I won't touch on the cause and effects. We're still in really close contact now, though I still question myself from time to time, why did I forgive him in the end. Was it to soothe my wounds, to be easier on myself, or I simply can't be bothered with it anymore? Regardless, I don't see anything happening between us anymore, contradictory to all your concerns, stepping out of the fog has made my mind clearer, somehow.
In the same month, I stepped into another relationship. One that came fast, and ended fast too. Perhaps, you still do read my blog, perhaps, you can't be bothered anymore. There were happy times and likewise, unhappy moments weaved through the short span of our relationship too. If you're reading this, I just want to say, thank you.
Thank you for being there when I needed somemone.
Thank you for being the shoulder I needed to lean on, for giving the hugs I needed to push on, for believing in me, and us, though it was only for a short while. For the laughter we shared, the lessons taught and most importantly, the memories.
I was happy then, though words of such means nothing to both you and me now.
We didn't end as amiably as I had hoped, but like I said, I stepped out of it stronger. Somehow, when it happened, I felt no impulse to question the doubts, why it happened, why didn't we work out, why this, why that. Words are powerful tools. I've learnt. In a way, you've changed my mindset in ways I still can't fathom.
I know you're happy now, and that you're doing well, and I'm truly happy for you from the bottom of my heart. Maybe, you didn't hurt. Maybe, you did. Undoubtedly, we've both recovered and moved on from where we left off. 4 months has passed since we last met. Perhaps, one day, we can sit down and laugh over what happened, and become friends we never attempted to be.
For now, like I've said before, I wish you all the best.
June 2006
It's been 6 months since I left my previous company, and 6 months since I joined this company. Close friends would know how it's like for me now. I emphasize, just let me bitch about it a little, I'll stick through it. One more year, that's all I need. I do miss my previous company, the people and the laughter. Things are different here, but I get the satisfaction and the assurance I seek, from people who matters most.
July 2006
I saw my beloved cousin walking down the red carpet. Recalling what I said to her then, I am exhilarated for her, yet feeling an odd sense of loss. I'm glad that you're happy, and I've gained a cousin-in-law. We should find time to resume our ktv sessions. I know, its me. I'll find time, don't worry.
September 2006
The girl made me fall in love with wakeboards. Then, she made me go riding. After countless face plants and Carlsberg beers, I've gotten my own board. A hefty investment, 1.6k to be exact, I think my brain got water-clogged I couldn't think properly. Nonetheless, I love my Angel, my Transits, after I manage to get into them. Now to get over the wet weather, I'm dying to ride! It's been so long now! Met a lot of people through riding, especially Mike, David, Helly, Long, Chun Kiat, Geraldine and all. The countless laughters in Mike's shop, the Nana Thai dinners, the on going stabs at each other, and our planned camping trips, it will happen soon.
November 2006
Seeing the painfully planned Asia Pacific Conference 2006 happening before my eyes, made all late nights and frustrations fizzle off. I'll bash myself in the head next year, looking back at this, but I am so looking forward to next year's conference. Asia Pacific Conference - Dubai 2007.
Other happenings I shall not speak of, but will do so, in a couple of months when it surfaces. It will. I have faith. Once again, I shall not list down any New Year's resolutions here. I just need to clear stuff up. Some things are getting way too messed up, and it should not be happening.
There are things that will stay with me and remain unspoken of.
One person I really want to thank, is Errol. Thanks my dear, for being there for me for so long. For trying so hard to keep me on track, for irritating me and being irritated by me, and so much more. You've kept me sane, and driven me insane. You should come to Batam with me again, your said Punggol trips are not happening! I do wish you'd let me watch the shows I want to watch though, instead of criticizing them!
Not forgetting dear, you know what's coming up next year for you, we will make through this and make it work. Trust me. Love you babe! And the guy too, yes you, Sham, though u can drive me nuts, but I love you all the same!
Melancholic thoughts were running through my mind last night and robbed me a tad too much of my sleep. The urge to get up and write it down was intense, but as much as it is, my butt was asleep already.
I had wanted to jot down this post for memories' sake, few would know that I re-read my diary entries time to time. At times, I choose to simply tear it to pieces - these are happenings that I want erased from my mind. At other moments, all I want is to pen it down, be it a happy moment or a moment that I was hurting real bad, to serve as a reminder and a lesson learnt. Events and words that mean nothing to others, yet mean so much to me, cos they are pieces of my memories, that made me behave and think the way I am now.
May 2006
A really bad and in the dumps period, when my slightly after 2 year relationship came to an abrupt end. It hit me hard. My mind went a little haywire for awhile. Being over and done with, I guess I won't touch on the cause and effects. We're still in really close contact now, though I still question myself from time to time, why did I forgive him in the end. Was it to soothe my wounds, to be easier on myself, or I simply can't be bothered with it anymore? Regardless, I don't see anything happening between us anymore, contradictory to all your concerns, stepping out of the fog has made my mind clearer, somehow.
In the same month, I stepped into another relationship. One that came fast, and ended fast too. Perhaps, you still do read my blog, perhaps, you can't be bothered anymore. There were happy times and likewise, unhappy moments weaved through the short span of our relationship too. If you're reading this, I just want to say, thank you.
Thank you for being there when I needed somemone.
Thank you for being the shoulder I needed to lean on, for giving the hugs I needed to push on, for believing in me, and us, though it was only for a short while. For the laughter we shared, the lessons taught and most importantly, the memories.
I was happy then, though words of such means nothing to both you and me now.
We didn't end as amiably as I had hoped, but like I said, I stepped out of it stronger. Somehow, when it happened, I felt no impulse to question the doubts, why it happened, why didn't we work out, why this, why that. Words are powerful tools. I've learnt. In a way, you've changed my mindset in ways I still can't fathom.
I know you're happy now, and that you're doing well, and I'm truly happy for you from the bottom of my heart. Maybe, you didn't hurt. Maybe, you did. Undoubtedly, we've both recovered and moved on from where we left off. 4 months has passed since we last met. Perhaps, one day, we can sit down and laugh over what happened, and become friends we never attempted to be.
For now, like I've said before, I wish you all the best.
June 2006
It's been 6 months since I left my previous company, and 6 months since I joined this company. Close friends would know how it's like for me now. I emphasize, just let me bitch about it a little, I'll stick through it. One more year, that's all I need. I do miss my previous company, the people and the laughter. Things are different here, but I get the satisfaction and the assurance I seek, from people who matters most.
July 2006
I saw my beloved cousin walking down the red carpet. Recalling what I said to her then, I am exhilarated for her, yet feeling an odd sense of loss. I'm glad that you're happy, and I've gained a cousin-in-law. We should find time to resume our ktv sessions. I know, its me. I'll find time, don't worry.
September 2006
The girl made me fall in love with wakeboards. Then, she made me go riding. After countless face plants and Carlsberg beers, I've gotten my own board. A hefty investment, 1.6k to be exact, I think my brain got water-clogged I couldn't think properly. Nonetheless, I love my Angel, my Transits, after I manage to get into them. Now to get over the wet weather, I'm dying to ride! It's been so long now! Met a lot of people through riding, especially Mike, David, Helly, Long, Chun Kiat, Geraldine and all. The countless laughters in Mike's shop, the Nana Thai dinners, the on going stabs at each other, and our planned camping trips, it will happen soon.
November 2006
Seeing the painfully planned Asia Pacific Conference 2006 happening before my eyes, made all late nights and frustrations fizzle off. I'll bash myself in the head next year, looking back at this, but I am so looking forward to next year's conference. Asia Pacific Conference - Dubai 2007.
Other happenings I shall not speak of, but will do so, in a couple of months when it surfaces. It will. I have faith. Once again, I shall not list down any New Year's resolutions here. I just need to clear stuff up. Some things are getting way too messed up, and it should not be happening.
There are things that will stay with me and remain unspoken of.
One person I really want to thank, is Errol. Thanks my dear, for being there for me for so long. For trying so hard to keep me on track, for irritating me and being irritated by me, and so much more. You've kept me sane, and driven me insane. You should come to Batam with me again, your said Punggol trips are not happening! I do wish you'd let me watch the shows I want to watch though, instead of criticizing them!
Not forgetting dear, you know what's coming up next year for you, we will make through this and make it work. Trust me. Love you babe! And the guy too, yes you, Sham, though u can drive me nuts, but I love you all the same!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Deaf-initly Boleh!
You start to realise how fortunate you are when you're surrounded by people who are otherwise. Recall one of the questions which was once put to me, if I had to give up one of my senses, which one would it be.
"My sense of hearing."
This couldn't have come to me stronger anywhere else, but at the Deaf-initely Boleh Carnival, a deaf awareness carnival held at the National Library over the weekend. Started off to help my cousin cos she was short of volunteers to help out, got Xiaobai in, and off we went to the carnival early Saturday and Sunday morning when everyone else was in bed.
We had to constantly remind ourselves not to succumb to the temptation of Macdonald's breakfasts, lazing in bed, or just chilling somewhere. Boy, it was tough!
These people are amazing, yet underestimated and belittled.
They can do so much more than you, me or anyone else can, purely cos of the drive in them and they know how not to take things they have for granted. They count every single blessing with much joy and enthusiasm, it makes you think they could be fortunate for their loss.
Them, being so comfortable and accepting of themselves, simply puts us to shame, makes us feel handicapped. Here we are, perfectly fine, complaining about phones ringing constantly, boring music, lousy singing, when they, for one, cannot hear.
They do lead ordinary lives which are far more extraordinary. They seek satisfaction, fulfillment, emotionally, instead of focusing on the materials. These are things that you can bring along with you down the years. Not your designation. Not your worldly possessions.
"Treat your child as a child with a handicap. Not as a handicapped child. Love him/her first as a child, then accept and help them with their handicap."
Not pining the words to that of what I heard, but the gist lies there.
There are lawyers, regional managers, assistant managers, teachers in there. Coming down to it, even you and I may not have that capability to reach that level. Their achievements are commitments they put themselves to, driving themselves to achieve because they know they can. Not because they seek to compete.
We stepped in not knowing what to expect and what was expected of us.
We stepped out, with a bigger heart and a bounce in our steps.
I'm glad I went and stayed on.
They are deaf, they can't hear, but they can listen. Not through voices of you and I, but through your body language and unsaid thoughts - what you and I always neglect through said communication.
Impossible is nothing and silence may just cut through more boundaries than words of nothingness...
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Pepped up.
Overwhelming, isn't it? The speed at how time just passes by, how you can get whirled into its tornado speed and come out of it with only a slight inkling of what happened. It's been a long time, I've realised. A long time since I had the moment and space to sit down and digest what has been going on and what has happened, feeling like I'm running a marathon with no time to catch my breath. By the time I get to the finishing point, I feel like my lungs are going to explode and the blood is rushing at insane speeds to my head, to the extent I terribly need to collapse.
It's been quite a year.
Wouldn't it be nice if I were people watching at a quaint little cafe, with a good book and good company now?
Christmas party and 2 consecutive days of wakeboarding.
It's been quite a year.
Wouldn't it be nice if I were people watching at a quaint little cafe, with a good book and good company now?
Christmas party and 2 consecutive days of wakeboarding.
Sadistically inviting.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Exhilarated.
I need to reorganise my commitments once and for all. It's going a tad haywire, which isn't too good for both my physical well-being and mental well-being.
I am exhausted.
Something that happened, or rather that's going to happen makes me want to jump up and hop around, screaming for joy. Except that I can't tell. This creates a warm and fuzzy, yet burning feeling deep down inside. The kind that burrows deep into your tummy, and constantly reminds you of its existance.
It is something good. Something worth celebrating. Something that quantifies a hug, a kiss, and a few drop of tears. Happy tears and happy sighs.
Well, well, well...just let me be while I spin around the garden in glee.
I am exhausted.
Something that happened, or rather that's going to happen makes me want to jump up and hop around, screaming for joy. Except that I can't tell. This creates a warm and fuzzy, yet burning feeling deep down inside. The kind that burrows deep into your tummy, and constantly reminds you of its existance.
It is something good. Something worth celebrating. Something that quantifies a hug, a kiss, and a few drop of tears. Happy tears and happy sighs.
Well, well, well...just let me be while I spin around the garden in glee.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
I'm no angel.
I'd still like for a shoulder to fall asleep on.
I'd still like for a hand to hold on to.
I'd still like for a comforting hug that makes everything right.
I'd still like for a smile that makes all the pain worth it.
Just not now.
Unless, he can carry my board bag for me.
Unless, he can fine tune my Energizer alter-ego with me.
Unless, he can share my joys and my woes.
Unless, he can piggy back me when I fall and twist my ankle.
Unless, he can make me smile right from the bottom of my heart.
I am happier now, as they say.
I'm leading a life now that I can't leave behind. Matters of the heart likened to an extreme sport, this emotional turmoil is more than I can take. My heart speaks in breathless whispers and inteferred by noise.
Random thoughts do pass through once in a while, but I'm not bothered by them. No doubt there were footprints left behind. They have faded, washed away by the tides, left with only an inkling of what had happened.
Perhaps, they were 2 separate souls in separate corners of this winter wonderland with their paths coincidently crossing. Now the snow has melted, the icebergs gone.
The sun has come up and it's time to go home.
Miracles only happen in dreams, not even in mine.
Things are getting way too complicated, venturing into areas that light should not reach. The world's a tiny place, and its round. I know it all, nonetheless, the affection is just overwhelming.
I thrive on affection, it seems.
Dancing in the grey areas, prancing in the dark. The right is wrong, and the wrong seems right. Living in this confusion of beliefs, you'll know it better than I do. Ignorance may be bliss, persistance may not triumph, perhaps, it's time, for selfishness to step in, or it already has.
Seeking the answer from within, to purge on or to hold my stand. Things will never get simpler, weaving in and out, into one dead knot.
It is nice to have someone sending you to work, messages or calls throughout the day to make sure you're going on fine, that you've eaten, or if you need a ride home, to watch movies with, to have a arm you can grab on to in case of emergency, to have someone sending you to the stars, to have someone to message "good night and sweetest dreams" to, to have someone missing you....
Yet, it is sad to know that it's your heart they can't touch and there's a reason why people stay where they are.
When taking a step forward isn't an option, neither is retreating, staying put seems like the most logical thing to do. Though, it may start to seem like an excuse to take the initiative out of your hands, knowing that budging even just a little can make a whole lot of difference, to a square in this game that means nothing, reaps in nothing, loses nothing, it's just plain meaningless.
I could call it quits, but who's to guarantee, that things won't make a turn for the worst after?
I could take it a notch up, but who's to tell me, that's truly the best for myself?
No one's seeking that answer to that fateful question, events could remain hidden, knowing and understanding, could hull one deeper into the equation. There is no answer. Likewise, speak of no questions. Don't ask, don't speak, don't question, don't doubt, don't expect, don't assume.
When stories aren't told, it doesn't mean they aren't happening. Even with stories narrated, it may not mean they are real. Fiction, or truth? Or perhaps, lies....
It's not about you, or me, or us, or them. It's about the many little screws that keep the whole chair up.
I'd still like for a hand to hold on to.
I'd still like for a comforting hug that makes everything right.
I'd still like for a smile that makes all the pain worth it.
Just not now.
Unless, he can carry my board bag for me.
Unless, he can fine tune my Energizer alter-ego with me.
Unless, he can share my joys and my woes.
Unless, he can piggy back me when I fall and twist my ankle.
Unless, he can make me smile right from the bottom of my heart.
I am happier now, as they say.
I'm leading a life now that I can't leave behind. Matters of the heart likened to an extreme sport, this emotional turmoil is more than I can take. My heart speaks in breathless whispers and inteferred by noise.
Random thoughts do pass through once in a while, but I'm not bothered by them. No doubt there were footprints left behind. They have faded, washed away by the tides, left with only an inkling of what had happened.
Perhaps, they were 2 separate souls in separate corners of this winter wonderland with their paths coincidently crossing. Now the snow has melted, the icebergs gone.
The sun has come up and it's time to go home.
Miracles only happen in dreams, not even in mine.
Things are getting way too complicated, venturing into areas that light should not reach. The world's a tiny place, and its round. I know it all, nonetheless, the affection is just overwhelming.
I thrive on affection, it seems.
Dancing in the grey areas, prancing in the dark. The right is wrong, and the wrong seems right. Living in this confusion of beliefs, you'll know it better than I do. Ignorance may be bliss, persistance may not triumph, perhaps, it's time, for selfishness to step in, or it already has.
Seeking the answer from within, to purge on or to hold my stand. Things will never get simpler, weaving in and out, into one dead knot.
It is nice to have someone sending you to work, messages or calls throughout the day to make sure you're going on fine, that you've eaten, or if you need a ride home, to watch movies with, to have a arm you can grab on to in case of emergency, to have someone sending you to the stars, to have someone to message "good night and sweetest dreams" to, to have someone missing you....
Yet, it is sad to know that it's your heart they can't touch and there's a reason why people stay where they are.
When taking a step forward isn't an option, neither is retreating, staying put seems like the most logical thing to do. Though, it may start to seem like an excuse to take the initiative out of your hands, knowing that budging even just a little can make a whole lot of difference, to a square in this game that means nothing, reaps in nothing, loses nothing, it's just plain meaningless.
I could call it quits, but who's to guarantee, that things won't make a turn for the worst after?
I could take it a notch up, but who's to tell me, that's truly the best for myself?
No one's seeking that answer to that fateful question, events could remain hidden, knowing and understanding, could hull one deeper into the equation. There is no answer. Likewise, speak of no questions. Don't ask, don't speak, don't question, don't doubt, don't expect, don't assume.
When stories aren't told, it doesn't mean they aren't happening. Even with stories narrated, it may not mean they are real. Fiction, or truth? Or perhaps, lies....
It's not about you, or me, or us, or them. It's about the many little screws that keep the whole chair up.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Clouded concentrations
Something hit me while I was in the midst of preparing for work today.
Something my mother said some time ago.
"Men and women can never be equal, no matter how you want it to be."
I dwelled in it awhile, rolled the idea through my mind a couple of times. Pushed myself back to the time when we were discussing this. It didn't sink in as much then, it was simply brushed off like lint on velvet. When it hit me this morning, I started to see light on it.
It's true that men and women can never be equal.
We're not meant to be so in the first place. Undeniable, men and women can do fine on their own once in a while. But its the instincts and natural tendency that push us out of our shells to be in touch with the opposite gender to seek that shoulder to lean on, and that warm comforting hug.
Men and women to me, are interdependent and complementary. That's what we are all seeking, aren't we? That someone to provide for ourselves what we can't do so on our own. With every partner we connect with, we are all finding answers and clarifications to what we want and what we're trying to fulfill. If we're meant to be equal, we could have simply be made the same.
This lifetime game of hide and seek doesn't seem to justify the notion.
Would the world be a nicer place to live in if we're all made equal? Perhaps, but I beg to differ. The differences should be celebrated and not forcefully matched, not a desperate act of bringing the distance closer. Nonetheless, we are not looking for equality. But to be treated with respect. Through respect, it opens more doors for one to share ideas and thoughts with. The constant mindset of inequality clouding one's vision may result in shutting out areas which could bring that distance so much closer.
It is a give and take situation. We all take from the opposite gender what we don't have and give what we have. That's how we start to rely on each other and build that bond by sharing. I've always believed that the more you give, the more you get. It may not always be instantaneous, but results will show one day.
There's a reason why the world is round and love is a transaction, so as to speak. We market our strengths to obtain what we want. We bank on what we can offer, to get what we don't. Look beyond that person, so different yet so alike of you as an individual. Appreciate that individual's worthiness, cherish that individual's strengths, most importantly, step into that individual's skin once in awhile, to view the world through their eyes.
What are you looking for? Someone for you to love and cherish, someone who loves and cherishes you or simply someone who fits the bill?
An excerpt of what Errol once preached, "Sometimes we want love so much we're not too choosy about who we love. Other times, we make love such a noble thing, that no poor human can ever meet our vision. "
It may not be about love all the time, but deep down inside, about satisfying needs and wants.
Something my mother said some time ago.
"Men and women can never be equal, no matter how you want it to be."
I dwelled in it awhile, rolled the idea through my mind a couple of times. Pushed myself back to the time when we were discussing this. It didn't sink in as much then, it was simply brushed off like lint on velvet. When it hit me this morning, I started to see light on it.
It's true that men and women can never be equal.
We're not meant to be so in the first place. Undeniable, men and women can do fine on their own once in a while. But its the instincts and natural tendency that push us out of our shells to be in touch with the opposite gender to seek that shoulder to lean on, and that warm comforting hug.
Men and women to me, are interdependent and complementary. That's what we are all seeking, aren't we? That someone to provide for ourselves what we can't do so on our own. With every partner we connect with, we are all finding answers and clarifications to what we want and what we're trying to fulfill. If we're meant to be equal, we could have simply be made the same.
This lifetime game of hide and seek doesn't seem to justify the notion.
Would the world be a nicer place to live in if we're all made equal? Perhaps, but I beg to differ. The differences should be celebrated and not forcefully matched, not a desperate act of bringing the distance closer. Nonetheless, we are not looking for equality. But to be treated with respect. Through respect, it opens more doors for one to share ideas and thoughts with. The constant mindset of inequality clouding one's vision may result in shutting out areas which could bring that distance so much closer.
It is a give and take situation. We all take from the opposite gender what we don't have and give what we have. That's how we start to rely on each other and build that bond by sharing. I've always believed that the more you give, the more you get. It may not always be instantaneous, but results will show one day.
There's a reason why the world is round and love is a transaction, so as to speak. We market our strengths to obtain what we want. We bank on what we can offer, to get what we don't. Look beyond that person, so different yet so alike of you as an individual. Appreciate that individual's worthiness, cherish that individual's strengths, most importantly, step into that individual's skin once in awhile, to view the world through their eyes.
What are you looking for? Someone for you to love and cherish, someone who loves and cherishes you or simply someone who fits the bill?
An excerpt of what Errol once preached, "Sometimes we want love so much we're not too choosy about who we love. Other times, we make love such a noble thing, that no poor human can ever meet our vision. "
It may not be about love all the time, but deep down inside, about satisfying needs and wants.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Feel the rush
Feel the rush of guilt and anxiety, as the stranger locks gazes with you, a sense of unrecognition. You know something that he doesn't. Something that the dearest person of his did. Your gaze drops, and starts do dart around, searching the room for something, anything that seemingly is far more interesting, mentally urging your friends for support.
Heaving a sigh of relief as he moves away, into his familiarity. You turn away, put on that smile, and tell yourself everything will be fine.
Staring at him, whilst running through everything that was said in the head of yours, attempting to tie the tales with this display of facts right before you.
The step out of that self-confining cell proved to be right. Circumstances now does not allow the plot to unfold. In time to come, all shall be forgotten.
Boundaries were teased, limits were nudged, living on the edge may not always be the white area.
Heaving a sigh of relief as he moves away, into his familiarity. You turn away, put on that smile, and tell yourself everything will be fine.
Staring at him, whilst running through everything that was said in the head of yours, attempting to tie the tales with this display of facts right before you.
The step out of that self-confining cell proved to be right. Circumstances now does not allow the plot to unfold. In time to come, all shall be forgotten.
Boundaries were teased, limits were nudged, living on the edge may not always be the white area.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
The old man at home.
My father - my dad.
Friends of mine would say I don't talk much of my dad.
I'd like to say that he's a man of few words, yet on the contrary, he can be so noisy he drives me nuts.
When I was just a little girl, and my brother was just a blob of fats lying in the cot, an incident that happened was imprinted in my memories. It wasn't that big a deal when I come to think of it now, but it was, then. My dad had to report for reservist on my birthday. For any little toddler, a birthday is when the world stops for you, and you alone, and so, I wailed and bawled, when my dad's world simply wouldn't stop for me.
During the first few years of my life, my dad was my fort - withstanding the storms, tsunamis, lightning, thunder and all creepy crawlies for me, most importantly, my mother.
As I grew older, the affections, in a way, tipped the scales to that of a lumpy blob of brother I had. Perhaps, my dad simply had no idea how to dote on his little girl. But, every time he came home, he came back with something nice for my brother, and none for me. Initially, I started to resent it, threw tantrums and all. In the long run, I got used to it and simply shut both eyes whenever it happened.
I grew up speaking english at home. My parents were english educated. My dad's Mandarin, to be honest, is pathetic. Yet he didn't give up trying. Everytime he learnt a new phrase, he'll pepper every single sentence he attempted in Mandarin with THAT particular phrase. I would always grimace at the sound of it.
He used to copy new words and their meanings from dictionaries on small pieces of paper so that he could learn them whilst he was on the road. His many attempts to share them with me didn't work out as well as he would have liked, yet, little to his knowledge, one particular word stuck to me all these years, only because he was always mentioning it.
I learnt the true meaning and usage in Literature in secondary school and amusingly, I fell in love with the word. That's the title of my blog - soliloquy.
He used to make me stay awake on buses to recognise road names. As everyone knows, it absolutely didn't work. I'm still the road idiot.
Now, at 21, my dad's no longer my fort. He's a friend at times, a dad at times, nonetheless, sometimes he still irritates the hell out of me, on purpose. Apparently, I'm still 7 to him, and it seems that it's going to stay that way. He still thinks I can't make my way round this island. Even now, he still thinks I took Mass Communications in polytechnic.
This old man I have at home, is turning old. I see the white hairs sticking out of his head, I see the wrinkles forming, I see the aches and pains he has now that he didn't use to have, but he's still that 30 year old man I knew all my life.
I admire his responsibility to this household, by being able to put up with my mother for so many years, for providing whatever he can for us, despite being almost jobless, for buying food that I like, and nagging at me whenever I finish it, for giving me the same trait he has - being sentimental, to all things, even inanimate objects.
He has his quirky thinking, like how he refused to repair our water heater for one month, and made us boil water to bathe, just to "let us have a feel of how it was like last time".
Sigh, this old man I have at home, does drive me nuts.
Friends of mine would say I don't talk much of my dad.
I'd like to say that he's a man of few words, yet on the contrary, he can be so noisy he drives me nuts.
When I was just a little girl, and my brother was just a blob of fats lying in the cot, an incident that happened was imprinted in my memories. It wasn't that big a deal when I come to think of it now, but it was, then. My dad had to report for reservist on my birthday. For any little toddler, a birthday is when the world stops for you, and you alone, and so, I wailed and bawled, when my dad's world simply wouldn't stop for me.
During the first few years of my life, my dad was my fort - withstanding the storms, tsunamis, lightning, thunder and all creepy crawlies for me, most importantly, my mother.
As I grew older, the affections, in a way, tipped the scales to that of a lumpy blob of brother I had. Perhaps, my dad simply had no idea how to dote on his little girl. But, every time he came home, he came back with something nice for my brother, and none for me. Initially, I started to resent it, threw tantrums and all. In the long run, I got used to it and simply shut both eyes whenever it happened.
I grew up speaking english at home. My parents were english educated. My dad's Mandarin, to be honest, is pathetic. Yet he didn't give up trying. Everytime he learnt a new phrase, he'll pepper every single sentence he attempted in Mandarin with THAT particular phrase. I would always grimace at the sound of it.
He used to copy new words and their meanings from dictionaries on small pieces of paper so that he could learn them whilst he was on the road. His many attempts to share them with me didn't work out as well as he would have liked, yet, little to his knowledge, one particular word stuck to me all these years, only because he was always mentioning it.
I learnt the true meaning and usage in Literature in secondary school and amusingly, I fell in love with the word. That's the title of my blog - soliloquy.
He used to make me stay awake on buses to recognise road names. As everyone knows, it absolutely didn't work. I'm still the road idiot.
Now, at 21, my dad's no longer my fort. He's a friend at times, a dad at times, nonetheless, sometimes he still irritates the hell out of me, on purpose. Apparently, I'm still 7 to him, and it seems that it's going to stay that way. He still thinks I can't make my way round this island. Even now, he still thinks I took Mass Communications in polytechnic.
This old man I have at home, is turning old. I see the white hairs sticking out of his head, I see the wrinkles forming, I see the aches and pains he has now that he didn't use to have, but he's still that 30 year old man I knew all my life.
I admire his responsibility to this household, by being able to put up with my mother for so many years, for providing whatever he can for us, despite being almost jobless, for buying food that I like, and nagging at me whenever I finish it, for giving me the same trait he has - being sentimental, to all things, even inanimate objects.
He has his quirky thinking, like how he refused to repair our water heater for one month, and made us boil water to bathe, just to "let us have a feel of how it was like last time".
Sigh, this old man I have at home, does drive me nuts.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
I did it!
Perseverance does pay off. After countless tries to perfect the art of falling in style, I did it! I managed to stand! Without even Cadence or Angel, but just the house board! That 2 times down half the length of the cable ski park was enough to make all the falls and bruises forgivable. Came back to a grinning Sham and Ikel and a big hug from Mike, such a pity the girl wasn''t there to see and only realised one hour late.
It doesn't matter, babe.
Many thanks, hugs and kisses to the girl, the guy, Long and Mike for my surprise birthday cake! Boy, am I glad it was Andy's actual birthday and not mine! It was hilarious and everyone there had great fun watching the man and the instigator, Mike, riding BUTT NAKED around the cable ski park. It did take a lot of persuasion and no doubt, beers to get that going.
The long wait for this day was worth it. My bruised ankles and torn blisters will heal.
But nothing, can replace the exhilaration of getting where you set out to go. Now, I can start planning for my Angel 130 complete with bindings, my vest and helmet by the end of the year!
The only problem is, how am I supposed to carry that almost 30kg of weight back from Batam?
Impossible is nothing.
We can then all look forward to the party, if it surfaces, after Mike's operation.
Somehow or rather, the injuries don't scare us a tiny bit. Seeing the determination the riders display, just makes you motivated to go out there even more. The busted knees, twisted ankles, bruised arms, aching necks, water clogged brains and missing noses, will not stop us.
All in all, I did prove Errol wrong, I tried my hardest and did it.
Without a pro board, with a loose helmet and a vest that constantly rides up.
It doesn't matter, babe.
Many thanks, hugs and kisses to the girl, the guy, Long and Mike for my surprise birthday cake! Boy, am I glad it was Andy's actual birthday and not mine! It was hilarious and everyone there had great fun watching the man and the instigator, Mike, riding BUTT NAKED around the cable ski park. It did take a lot of persuasion and no doubt, beers to get that going.
The long wait for this day was worth it. My bruised ankles and torn blisters will heal.
But nothing, can replace the exhilaration of getting where you set out to go. Now, I can start planning for my Angel 130 complete with bindings, my vest and helmet by the end of the year!
The only problem is, how am I supposed to carry that almost 30kg of weight back from Batam?
Impossible is nothing.
We can then all look forward to the party, if it surfaces, after Mike's operation.
Somehow or rather, the injuries don't scare us a tiny bit. Seeing the determination the riders display, just makes you motivated to go out there even more. The busted knees, twisted ankles, bruised arms, aching necks, water clogged brains and missing noses, will not stop us.
All in all, I did prove Errol wrong, I tried my hardest and did it.
Without a pro board, with a loose helmet and a vest that constantly rides up.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
We are all closet lesbians.
Ever had a song running continuously through your head whilst in the midst of something?
"Now, I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you, just to have somebody by my side.And I don't want to hate you, I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry."
Not a catchy song, nor a hit in the charts, but a song that runs deeper than it seems. Deafening like a siren, of warning, of forebode, an omen of the worst sorts. Words of that melody do not fit seamlessly into the context, yet hinting of something far more explosive.
Do you plunge in it, regardless its depth, ignoring the disclaimer staring straight back at you?
Do you pause to think, or blame it on something that's totally within your control?
Is it for the thrill, or is it to prove the fact that you live only once?
No particular feelings to be pinpointed, no questions to be asked, no sequel to it, it will just be a one off thing. Don't bother asking me about it, cos it's worth nothing to those uninvolved.
When you feel the blood rushing to your head, and all you want to do is scream, not to be heard, but to bring your mind back to reality, it is time to do something about it.
Conscious enough to tell yourself to be otherwise, sober enough to tell yourself to blame the raging emotions on an inanimate object, sane enough to know what you're doing is wrong.
With these, one should know when to slap yourself. Hard.
Would the words mouthed, be an attempt to prevent a disaster on your side, or that of mine?
The flashbacks, haunting, forcing me to squirm and grimace. What do you actually do, when you started off with the right foot, and somehow in the process, you stumble and get on the wrong foot? Would you leave the path entirely, when that trip in the road is just a tiny aspect of it? Or would you make the best out of it, attempt to correct it, and act as per normal, like nothing has ever happened before?
It's not a reason for celebration. But, it has happened. It will lay buried, deep amongst the debris of the pumping organ inside of me.
Hold the judging and all, these are merely, a play of words. Form the image you perceive, will you, and hold on to that. It's all but part of your mind. Nothing's been said, nothing's been done.
The uncountable interpretations of it all, a mystery to us all.
"Now, I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you, just to have somebody by my side.And I don't want to hate you, I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry."
Not a catchy song, nor a hit in the charts, but a song that runs deeper than it seems. Deafening like a siren, of warning, of forebode, an omen of the worst sorts. Words of that melody do not fit seamlessly into the context, yet hinting of something far more explosive.
Do you plunge in it, regardless its depth, ignoring the disclaimer staring straight back at you?
Do you pause to think, or blame it on something that's totally within your control?
Is it for the thrill, or is it to prove the fact that you live only once?
No particular feelings to be pinpointed, no questions to be asked, no sequel to it, it will just be a one off thing. Don't bother asking me about it, cos it's worth nothing to those uninvolved.
When you feel the blood rushing to your head, and all you want to do is scream, not to be heard, but to bring your mind back to reality, it is time to do something about it.
Conscious enough to tell yourself to be otherwise, sober enough to tell yourself to blame the raging emotions on an inanimate object, sane enough to know what you're doing is wrong.
With these, one should know when to slap yourself. Hard.
Would the words mouthed, be an attempt to prevent a disaster on your side, or that of mine?
The flashbacks, haunting, forcing me to squirm and grimace. What do you actually do, when you started off with the right foot, and somehow in the process, you stumble and get on the wrong foot? Would you leave the path entirely, when that trip in the road is just a tiny aspect of it? Or would you make the best out of it, attempt to correct it, and act as per normal, like nothing has ever happened before?
It's not a reason for celebration. But, it has happened. It will lay buried, deep amongst the debris of the pumping organ inside of me.
Hold the judging and all, these are merely, a play of words. Form the image you perceive, will you, and hold on to that. It's all but part of your mind. Nothing's been said, nothing's been done.
The uncountable interpretations of it all, a mystery to us all.
Monday, October 23, 2006
I saw that playing in your head.
Despite the lack of sleep and overdose of toxins over the past few days, I awoke thoroughly rejuvenated. Ignoring the minor disappointments - not being able to get full attendence, I really have each and every one of my girls to thank for making it such a beautiful night.
A quiet afternoon, just catching up with Sufang, watching people go by, unfazed by the earlier downpour of T-rexes and killer whales. The air was quiet, with an odd sense of comfort and tranquility hanging in the atmosphere. Concerns were raised, questions answered, doubts were clarified, views were shared, just through that mere couple of hours, the distance between us shortened by non-quantitative measures.
Settlers' seemed to change the setting all together. We were seemingly brought back to secondary school days, where it was all more real and a lot more carefree-ness. The games took the lead weights that was weighing us down away. The laughter, took all unfamiliarity away from us.
That, made Wala Wala the perfect ending to sum up the entire night. One can only laugh in recognition of the familiar indecisiveness of ours. Taking a whole ten minutes and many queries shot at the Wala staff before we changed our minds to something that was staring at us straight in our faces. With that, Wala's menu was questioned down to the very last item.
At last, we've made our getaway plans somewhat concrete, the very first of ours, I pray not the last, but the start of many to come. No doubt a tiny one, it's still a baby step to what we've been trying so hard to accomplish.
Wrapping up the night with a miniature road trip, one that we can only long for, forever pending, forever planning, never concrete, I fell asleep, with a smile on my face with much appreciation, for the best 21st birthday gift I could ever receive...
And woke up late for work 4 hours later.
Someone who keeps my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground.
That's who I need.
That's who I want.
A quiet afternoon, just catching up with Sufang, watching people go by, unfazed by the earlier downpour of T-rexes and killer whales. The air was quiet, with an odd sense of comfort and tranquility hanging in the atmosphere. Concerns were raised, questions answered, doubts were clarified, views were shared, just through that mere couple of hours, the distance between us shortened by non-quantitative measures.
Settlers' seemed to change the setting all together. We were seemingly brought back to secondary school days, where it was all more real and a lot more carefree-ness. The games took the lead weights that was weighing us down away. The laughter, took all unfamiliarity away from us.
That, made Wala Wala the perfect ending to sum up the entire night. One can only laugh in recognition of the familiar indecisiveness of ours. Taking a whole ten minutes and many queries shot at the Wala staff before we changed our minds to something that was staring at us straight in our faces. With that, Wala's menu was questioned down to the very last item.
At last, we've made our getaway plans somewhat concrete, the very first of ours, I pray not the last, but the start of many to come. No doubt a tiny one, it's still a baby step to what we've been trying so hard to accomplish.
Wrapping up the night with a miniature road trip, one that we can only long for, forever pending, forever planning, never concrete, I fell asleep, with a smile on my face with much appreciation, for the best 21st birthday gift I could ever receive...
And woke up late for work 4 hours later.
Someone who keeps my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground.
That's who I need.
That's who I want.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Going down memory lane
How time has flown.
Soulfood madhouse days
Chillout sessions with the Jing Jang Gang
I'm missing all of that. Nowadays work is swallowing us whole, not even bothering to spit out the bones and all. We all spend more time in office than anywhere else.
Further, it's exasperating how the gang is always not at full force this days, cos of work commitments at times, when one can only sigh and lament, yet charge head first into it.
Briefly went through my work schedule in my head earlier and now, I am craving so much for a day, just one, when I can just put everything down, and head for some quiet place where I can read in peace.
To fully immerse myself in that of another's world, to let go of everything momentarily, to feel someone else's pain, hurt, joy, thrills, fears and experiences.
I'm needing that.
It's time to step out of my skin, breathe the fresh air a little, fully experience the rush of emotions once again.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Classic moments.
Late night with the girls always bring us to questions we always have no answers for. Only hypothetical analysis we come up with, hand in hand with the benefits of doubt we try so hard to hold. At times, it's plain tough to hold fort, to get a firm grip on this ever changing backdrop we have behind us. Yet, we're doing fine my dears, with the occassional hiccups and hitches we come across, we're still a reason for celebration.
Like how on impulse I messaged Errol, we are all nothing without friends. As true to the word, we are what our past makes us out to be. We are like climbing plants, constantly searching, constantly trying to reach to higher areas, to touch the sky, to get to where we want.
Friends are the fences that assist us in doing so. They're our crutches. My support. I love every single one of them. In any event were I to die the next moment, one of my biggest regret would be not letting them know how much they mean to me.
I'm happy that we're all moving on together, albeit in different directions, but we are moving up.
Part of every single one of us is still like before, or at the very least, longing for what we used to be.
We still are. We can still be.
We are still 7 very different people coming together, complementing each other, being there for each other.
I stand true to this.
Like how on impulse I messaged Errol, we are all nothing without friends. As true to the word, we are what our past makes us out to be. We are like climbing plants, constantly searching, constantly trying to reach to higher areas, to touch the sky, to get to where we want.
Friends are the fences that assist us in doing so. They're our crutches. My support. I love every single one of them. In any event were I to die the next moment, one of my biggest regret would be not letting them know how much they mean to me.
I'm happy that we're all moving on together, albeit in different directions, but we are moving up.
Part of every single one of us is still like before, or at the very least, longing for what we used to be.
We still are. We can still be.
We are still 7 very different people coming together, complementing each other, being there for each other.
I stand true to this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
