i hurt myself to cover another pain

i will get out because you want me out. i shall spare you the agony of seeing me around. dont say i didnt try, cos i've always asked if it was okay that i was around. maybe my attempts to get you guys out were not appreciated. just yourselves one question. after so many years, have you ever remembered my birthday? when was the last time you celebrated my birthday?

i dont have to know. and i dont want to know the answers. it may be a very small thing. but it mattered. though not anymore. since a long time ago. i've gotten used to it.

shoot me.

yes i'm the bad guy here. i'm the one who created the mess. go ahead. point your fingers at me. call me names. ignore me. assume i'm this, assume i'm that. question what i did. question what i did not.

go ahead and say it behind my back. go ahead and criticise me. go ahead and condemn me. go ahead.

cos its driving me nuts. to the extent i expected it. i knew all these was coming. why bother explaining and calling truce in the first place. i'm talking about myself not you. i never said all those things. so dont put words in my mouth. i explained things cos i didnt want misunderstandings between us. what was i doing? what i say are my own thoughts. so dont use that against me.

thats it. this shall be the last i have and will be saying regarding this matter.

all these aside....

work's scary. i just caused someone to pay like $700 plus more than he needed to pay. and i nearly not collect $800 plus from somebody. work's fun. people's great. i'm glad i'm moving on. but its tiring. i finish work only at 8 everyday. goodness. and raffles place is a war zone during lunch.

underneath my skin

finally....it ends....