I'm no angel.

I'd still like for a shoulder to fall asleep on.
I'd still like for a hand to hold on to.
I'd still like for a comforting hug that makes everything right.
I'd still like for a smile that makes all the pain worth it.

Just not now.

Unless, he can carry my board bag for me.
Unless, he can fine tune my Energizer alter-ego with me.
Unless, he can share my joys and my woes.
Unless, he can piggy back me when I fall and twist my ankle.
Unless, he can make me smile right from the bottom of my heart.

I am happier now, as they say.

I'm leading a life now that I can't leave behind. Matters of the heart likened to an extreme sport, this emotional turmoil is more than I can take. My heart speaks in breathless whispers and inteferred by noise.

Random thoughts do pass through once in a while, but I'm not bothered by them. No doubt there were footprints left behind. They have faded, washed away by the tides, left with only an inkling of what had happened.

Perhaps, they were 2 separate souls in separate corners of this winter wonderland with their paths coincidently crossing. Now the snow has melted, the icebergs gone.

The sun has come up and it's time to go home.

Miracles only happen in dreams, not even in mine.

Things are getting way too complicated, venturing into areas that light should not reach. The world's a tiny place, and its round. I know it all, nonetheless, the affection is just overwhelming.

I thrive on affection, it seems.

Dancing in the grey areas, prancing in the dark. The right is wrong, and the wrong seems right. Living in this confusion of beliefs, you'll know it better than I do. Ignorance may be bliss, persistance may not triumph, perhaps, it's time, for selfishness to step in, or it already has.

Seeking the answer from within, to purge on or to hold my stand. Things will never get simpler, weaving in and out, into one dead knot.

It is nice to have someone sending you to work, messages or calls throughout the day to make sure you're going on fine, that you've eaten, or if you need a ride home, to watch movies with, to have a arm you can grab on to in case of emergency, to have someone sending you to the stars, to have someone to message "good night and sweetest dreams" to, to have someone missing you....

Yet, it is sad to know that it's your heart they can't touch and there's a reason why people stay where they are.

When taking a step forward isn't an option, neither is retreating, staying put seems like the most logical thing to do. Though, it may start to seem like an excuse to take the initiative out of your hands, knowing that budging even just a little can make a whole lot of difference, to a square in this game that means nothing, reaps in nothing, loses nothing, it's just plain meaningless.

I could call it quits, but who's to guarantee, that things won't make a turn for the worst after?

I could take it a notch up, but who's to tell me, that's truly the best for myself?

No one's seeking that answer to that fateful question, events could remain hidden, knowing and understanding, could hull one deeper into the equation. There is no answer. Likewise, speak of no questions. Don't ask, don't speak, don't question, don't doubt, don't expect, don't assume.

When stories aren't told, it doesn't mean they aren't happening. Even with stories narrated, it may not mean they are real. Fiction, or truth? Or perhaps, lies....

It's not about you, or me, or us, or them. It's about the many little screws that keep the whole chair up.