12th June 2005

i never thought i'll leave this place before everyone else. i thought i'd see it close, help to close it like how i helped open it. it turned out otherwise.

as i left i kept telling myself. i made the right decision. i cant hold on to something that wont be there for long. true, that place means a lot to me. it was the place i had so much fun with my friends, where we would laugh till we teared. it was also the place i met my boyfriend. the place i learnt so much from. but one cant hold on to these sentiments and live like there's no tomorrow. soulfood isnt going to last past one month. and i got a whole lot more to think and worry about.

i hope you understand. i do want to stay and help out as much as i can. but things are getting harder. its getting harder for me to drag myself to work, to look forward to whatever the day is going to bring me. it has become a routine. a routine i dread and cant wait to leave behind.

like what i said, i dont want work to contribute or a cause of our fights. its not worth it. work is work and i wont bring it out of where it should be. i'm tired of things going on there. tired of the vicious cycles that happen and happen again. i need a break. i need to have time to think for myself. i need time to think about what i want and what i'm going to do. i want you to be the friends i turn to outside work, where i can grumble and complain about work, and not having to worry that whether what i say will affect us at work.

it isnt really a great day like what i originally thought. it was harder to leave than i thought and expected. but, there is still a sense of relief. i still feel pangs of regret here and there. i still wonder whether i made the right decision. whats done is done. i've quit. now i feel lost. i dont know what i'm going to do tomorrow.

i'm officially unemployed.