Losing someone dear.

Just came back from a wake, the wake of a granduncle my family visits once a year. The level of hierachy of the granduncles and grandaunties is rather misleading. He was 61. The story is that he had just went for a medical checkup and he was given a clean bill of health. Things were looking well, with lowered cholestrol level, yada yada, in short, he was healthy for his age. Not long after, he was out playing pool, and he didn't feel good, and passed away of an alleged heart attack.

I wasn't affected by his departure. What hit me was, how was his wife taking it? They portrayed the emotions not that of a lovey-dovey, can't live without each other kind of couple, but more of a comfort zone and support each was to the other. It left me thinking.

What happens when one's partner/significant other departs? What kind of emotions will the living partner experience? I tried to imagine myself in those shoes, it left a bitter feeling in my mouth.

Naively, or perhaps, deludingly, I've always "wanted" myself to leave before my partner and everyone close to me does. On the hindsight, it's a rather selfish thought. I didn't want to feel the sorrow, to go through the process of hurting, and being left behind, losing someone I love, I didn't want the pain and I didn't want to feel the loss.

Of course, these things aren't left to us to decide. Fortunately, or unfortunately.