A mind once stretched will never regain its original proportions

Can one ever truly forget and get over a person he/she loved so much before?

A question that's been ringing through my mind since a very long time ago. When it comes to become a play on the conscious and the subconscious mind, can we fault the subconscious mind? It's bewildering me, still.

The thing is, do I identify with that feeling? Do I require an answer to that? Do I already know the answer? Do you know the answer that I'm supposed to know but do not know?

Does coming into contact with familiar places, familiar activities, familiar faces, somewhat functions like our peripheral vision, registering in our subconscious mind, forcing us to dig up these melancholic feelings without us realising?

Or, is it a case of "I'll never get over you getting over me"?

I've thought it through and through, over and over, tossed and turned in bed, those words rolling about in my head. I suppose I've got to answer that for myself and to myself first.

For me, I'd say I've closed that chapter of my life. Looking back, not that I regret what I did or starting the relationship. I learnt from it, bringing what I learnt about myself into a new relationship. Perhaps, in a way, he taught me things about myself I never could have come to terms with by myself. Recalling the aftermath of the breakup, it was horrible. So horrible, I cringe just thinking about it. Yet, some good did come out of it. I came out of it stronger as a person, started loving and being in touch with myself and friends again, made new friends, lost my way and fumbled around for a quite awhile before finding my direction once more. The way out seemed clearer once I came to terms with the facts I had stubbornly ignored.

I was self-deluded and craving badly for attention. I was hating him. I was dying to move on. I was forcing myself to move on. I was all things negative. Emotions were an insane rollercoaster ride. One common advice I received was to throw myself into work to distract my thoughts. After watching all those lovey-dovey movies and shows, I suppose, that was what people normally do after a breakup. I wanted that too. One problem. I had no work to throw myself into. Instead, I threw myself into nurturing new friendships, repairing old friendships, focusing on other people's problems instead of my own. In a way, the constant act of pushing my limits and his limits, resulting in self-torture did help.

I gave up. I moved on. I became happier. I learnt how to smile once again. Finally, eating made sense to me. Someone I love alot told me this, "Start doing everything for yourself from now onwards."

The downside to all this, negativity started building up in me. I was afraid of history repeating itself. I was terrified of going through this cycle once again. I couldn't bring myself to love again. I started seeing things from Su's cynical point of view, "Since you know it's coming, why start it in the first place?"

Well, all this aside, I've really moved on. I've gotten over questioning and seeking answers long ago. Some things just do not require an explanation. He's just someone so familiar, yet so foreign. Without a doubt, it did take some time to break out of that routine. My feelings toward the whole past relationship is no longer about it's a pity things didn't work out. It's now, smile because it happened. I found a whole lot more because it happened. I don't deny that I still treat him as a friend, but a friend who's kept at the back of my head, in a teenie weenie little corner of my heart, as I close this chapter with a smile. I've come to the point when I don't look back with tears in my eyes, nor a sad wrench of my heart that makes me just want to turn away and collect myself once more.

The dust has settled. For him and for me.

On a side note, I'm really glad I found you. One month and still counting. It has been quite a ride.