do as you wish

i'm still pissed. i shouldnt be though. its not his fault. partly. pretty small stuff actually, just that they happened at the wrong times of the day and pretty much spoilt the entire day. was at the chalet, but i woke up at 5am and reached his place bout 7. was feeling really lousy the past 2 days. yet the one whom i seeked solace in wasnt him. i missed him. so rushed down so early to see him. expecting him to at the very least send me to the bus stop to work or something, yet he didnt even bother to open his eyes when i left. kind of felt like i was taken for granted but i brushed it off thinking that he's just too tired.

later in the day, he didnt reply a couple of messages which frankly was pretty irritating. supposed to go over his place after work. really looked forward to it. he called and said he had this wedding dinner which he forgotten to go. fine. go. no big deal. who the heck am i kidding? its not the first time such things happen. for now, i shall not message him to ask him out until he realises i'm "not there". childish? whatever. i just need him to realise i'm not going to take his crap. treat me the way you want to be treated and not any way else.

Mr C was still telling me to fuck care the world since he loves me and i love him. the thing is, i can do it if i'm treated right. i know i probably cant blame him for all these, but the truth is, i dont even need him to really show appreciation. just try to. examples? if i happen to bombard you with messages you dont want to reply to, kindly message me and tell me you're busy and i'll stop. full stop the end. DO NOT leave me dangling and waiting for your replies like some pathetic clingy girlfriend. if you cant wake up to send me to the bus stop or at least say goodbye, at the very least message me when you wake up and say something. i'll be floating the whole day. if we arrange to meet and you cancel out the last minute, at the very least, apologise for cancelling out on me. its basic courtesy.

i have dreams, dreams that scare and worry me. i see you getting back with her and see her having your kid. and i believe that dreams do come true. that spells d-e-j-a v-u. yeah, you can go on with the speech and say that i think too much, i'm too imaginative and so on and so forth, but thats the way i am.

at the end of the day, i just want to be appreciated instead of disappointed. i dont need much to be happy, just a simple message would do. i forgot to inform you, i wont be giving you cards, cards that you dont appreciate.