be silent.

i'm shutting out.

shutting out unwanted and undesired noise. NOISE.

shutting out everything i dont wish to hear. dont wish to hear.

shutting out images i dont want to see. i wish i can.

shutting out the rising anger in me.

trying very hard to keep quiet.

trying very hard to keep my mouth shut.

trying very hard to keep my cool.

trying very hard to get her voice out of my head.

trying very hard to not hear her sarcasm.

i shall shut up.

____________________________________

stupid ideas. keep repeating the same old stuff. keep bringing out the past issues and repeat them over and over again. very fun right? grumbling, complaining, screaming, threatening, self-pitying is all you do. wow. i'm impressed. cos you thought me nothing all these years. all i remember from my childhood is YOU accusing me of stealing your money. a mere $5. when i did not even see or take. YOU put it in the wrong bag. YOU accused me. YOU didnt say sorry. YOU thought i was just a child and it was okay to put the blame on me. you say i treat the home as a hotel? then tell me. what is it at home do i look forward to?

for so many years, i open the door. every single time, its an empty home. no, you cannot go out. no, you have to stay at home. no, you cannot go to your friends' house. no, you cannot stay out late. no, its not right for a girl to come home late. no, you cannot stay overnight at the chalet. no this no that. call yourself my parents. you say i waste your money and waste your electricity. i stay out. i earn my own money. i dont take a single cent from you. yet you say that you're still supporting me. my foot. since how long ago have i not taken a cent from you. when it comes down to the point that i'm totally broke and in desperate need of money, i take money from you. and you can harp on it for ages. you dont treat me as a person, so why should i try so hard?

i shall shut up too. cos i'm stuck with her.