2 decades old

met up with juan and eve at holland v breko. we were talking. nowadays when we girls talk, we talk alot and i mean ALOT about the future. it used to be superficial issues now that you look back last time, now we're talking about real serious stuff. it used to be school, problems with having a STEAD blah blah blah. now its what we're going to do in the future, marriage, that kind of thing.

it hit me how important being self-contented is. okay, not everyone has a perfect family or a perfect life. life itself is too imperfect. having shitty parents isnt an excuse for everything. so people has a car, has a good looking boyfriend, is rich, is in an university, is a so called "upper-class" kind of girl, lead a glam life. its only a big deal cos you grew up with her and she has so much more than you have now.

to me, being rich isnt everything. honestly, i wouldnt marry for money. yes, money is important. it means a heck to me at this point in my life cos i know i need money. if i had more money things would be alot easier and i wouldnt have to work 7 days a week and i can shop without thinking more than twice. maybe i'll change my mind tomorrow. i do want a man i can depend on in future, a man who can support a family, a man who can provide for my basic needs. but other than that, i do want to be financially independent too, instead of depending on my guy.

being well to do to me is: having alot of money on top of my basic expenses.

being able to live comfortably to me is: having some money on top of my basic expenses. a car isnt a must but it is a long term goal and a bonus.

i'm going to be 20 this year. 11 more months, we'll be celebrating new year's eve again. hopefully still with the same people. yes i do mean you. i'm starting to feel the pressures of the stepping into this 2nd decade of my life. time is going to fly past once i step into this chapter of my life. it scares me as much as i look forward to it. ask me if i want to get married, i cant answer you. at this point in time, no, not yet. i do want to settle down eventually but not now.

i dont know what i'll be doing 6 months from now, after i graduate. people around me have grown up. grown so fast to an extent that what happened in secondary 4 seems like only yesterday. now, 2005, is going to be a whole new beginning. a chapter of my life is beginning to unfold. i'm terrified.