a letter to my dearest

I"m crying baby. Crying hard on the outside, even harder on the inside. crying for me, crying for us....
it's gonna be tough. really tough. even without the possible objections, its gonna take alot of hard work to make it work. can you do that? can i do that? are we able to do that?
You telling me that you may be going vietnam to work, you say it so easily, like a casual statement, as if you were just going dowstairs for a while. you have no idea how big a blow that was to me. it's as though you just told me you're going to leave me. you dont know the pain i'm going through, you have no idea what i've gone through. for you. because of you.
it hurts my dear. it hurts so bad. so deeply inside. i'm so much more in love with you that i thought i would ever be, more than you think i am. you tell me i shouldnt depend so much on you. but you know what? i'm trying very hard. 10 days in camp i can take. at least i know you'll still message me every night at 11 even if i dont message you the whole day. i know you're there. still within reasonable distance. telling me you're going to work in a country so foreign to both you and me, somewhere so far, i probably wont get to see you for like one whole year or so. can you imagine how i feel?
just when i feel that you're really serious about me and i'm prepared to take a step further, you tell me that you may be leaving me. i cant possible tell you how i feel and stop you from going, can i? i know you want to get a good job and do well in your career. i cannot stop you from doing that. i'll just hide how i feel. i'll be happy for you if its a good job and that you'll do well, i really will be. i'll support you 120% all the way. i'll hide my tears, hide my fears and be that supportive girlfriend who's gonna be behind you all the way. i will learn to do that. i will learn to be independent. as much as i love you, i want the best for you.
many times i wonder, how far will we go together. i dont wanna think about too many things, probably take one step at a time. enjoy it while it lasts. i dare not think too far ahead, i dare not think too much. maybe the answer's something i dont want to know. i dont wanna waste your time. i do admit, i have thought of breaking up with you, cos i dont want to waste your time. but i'm afraid i'm gonna regret, and you'll never come back to me. this sea of confusion is drowning me.
its been a wild ride. a dramatic life experience. for now, i'm really happy. i love you my dearest...