i'm fucking pissed.
i'm so pissed i cant breathe properly.
i cant think.
i'm getting a headache.
i want to cry to let it out.
but i cant.
thats how bad it is.

is it so hard for you to tell me things beforehand instead of me expecting that things will turn out this way then in the end it turns out the total opposite? you make me feel worthless. i'm not dumb. i think alot more deeper stuff than you think i actually do. its not that i'm easily taken advantage of. i only do this cos i care. dont give me the crap that you're confused and have alot of things on your mind. i gave excuses for you thinking you have alot of stuff going on at work and need space. i kept things to myself. i cried myself to sleep so many times i lost count. you only think of yourself.

ask yourself. when was the last time you said something nice? it used to be only your messages inside my inbox. for a long time now, names of other guys have been appearing first at the top of the list in my inbox. why is it that other guys treat me and appreciate me better than you do? i dont need you to do anything like buy me expensive gifts or alot of attention. just a few words of concern and occassional assurance that i'm still loved and appreciated is all i need. is that so hard?

i give you the time you need to think. who's going to give me the answers i want? if it's so hard for you to talk about it, why is it that you can tell everyone about it except me?! you said you dont want to hurt me. why is it that you're hurting me and you're the only one who's bringing tears to my eyes and you dont care? i hate you i hate you i hate you.

if you really love me, why is it that i'm crying all the time? it used to be so hard for me to cry, now i can cry at any single thing. do i deserve to be treated this way? what did i do to deserve all this shit? i try my best to be a good girlfriend, try to think things your way. which girl would keep quiet when you meet your ex-girlfriend? which girl wouldnt kick up a fuss when you bring her to your ex-gf's house and ask you to water her plants? you tell me!

i'm hurting. i'm hurting so bad inside i feel like giving up. for the past weeks, yes, so you meet me everyday. but 90% of the time you're doing work. you never practice what you preach. you're never there for me when i need you. yes, i said i'll be independent but you dont even know what's going on in my life.

i hear what you say. you're alone and there's no commitments. you say all these in front of me. how do you think i feel? you introduce me as your girlfriend but do you treat me as one? i'm tired. i tried. tried so hard. no one understands the pain cos i act. i've been lying to everyone around me. to myself. finding excuses for you. for me. for us.