shut up

its no point saying it over and over again.

the more i talk about it the more it hurts.

the more i talk about it the smaller the problem seems.

i dont know whats wrong or whats actually affecting me. whether its the fact that i wont be able to see him, or the uncertainty in me thats so overwhelming. it scares me so much. i cant handle it. spent half an hour watching him sleep today, and i realise i wont be able to handle it when he leaves. i love watching him sleep.

people arent listening. they tell me opinions they give me their so called advice yet they arent listening. they never attempted to put themselves in my shoes. think the way i do. feel the sorrow and confusion i feel. they tell me to break up. to leave him cos he's only going to hold me back.

there is no reason for me to break up and i dont want to and i dont think i can handle it. they tell me this they tell me that. would they be able to do what they told me to do if they were me? does the words "break up" come so easily to you? just try feeling half of what i'm feeling and you'll probably change your "advice".

i try. i try very hard to distract myself. i try very hard to make time no matter how little to be with you. i'm so scared that time is running out for us.