someone tell her what to do

its scary how things become more and more complicated as one gets older.

death, depression, abortion, pills, suicide.... all these used to only be in books, not reality.
i want to be young again. young as in carefree, young as in no worries. then again, all these have been part of my life since long ago.

partying isnt my cup of tea i always say. the truth is, i'm too self-conscious to club. i dont know what to do or what to wear. i do not love missing out on fun, i do not love not being young, i do not love being cooped up at home when everyone else is out there.


u all mean alot to me. doesnt mean i dont meet u often means you're forgotten and covered with dust. you people are the best thing that ever happened to me. i mean it.

i dont want time to pass so fast. the void becomes bigger and i cling to him even tighter as the times go by. maybe its cos of this you're so much nicer to me and you're holding tight to me too. i'm terrified that as the time goes nearer to the day you're gonna leave means the time left till our breakup. i dont know how to maintain a long distance relationship and i dont know how to know that you're the one and i dont know how to make sure you dont have someone else out there and i dont know how to be alone for 2 whole months before i see you again and i dont know how to help you with your stuff. you dont talk about it anymore and everything is becoming so vague i'm scared i'll start to think that you're gonna stay and be with me. its starting to feel like a dream, something so unreal, so out of reach, so far fetched that i feel like laughing at myself.

i'm losing control.