wrecked

If i had to make a choice to give up one of my senses, i suppose it would be not to talk.

I dont mind having to use my hands to talk, cos sign language is actually such a beautiful language.

but the true reason is that the world would actually be such a simpler place if everyone spent more time listening. cliche. but come to think of it true. if we think before we speak, lots of stuff can actually be avoided. though you may feel terrible at the start, its actually a blessing to be able to listen to people. i mean real listening.

i'll be graduating unofficially in 2 days time. right now, i'm supposed to give my best for this final project in order to graduate with at least some glory despite the terrible results i have obtained throughout the 3 years of polytechnic education. i'd never really paid much attention to people who say that studying is actually better than working, cos i'd always thought that it depends on what kind of job you're doing. whether you enjoy it anot.

but now, when i'm actually literally on the chopping board, it scares the hell out of me. not knowing what to expect, not knowing the exact direction to go, cos you have to make the first step in order to make your future seem brighter or something like that. i no longer have a definite path, like primary school to secondary school to jc/poly blah blah blah. for now, my future seems bleak, seems so unclear, foggy. every step i take is so tiny in fear of screwing my entire life up. i want no regrets. i know how it feels to regret something so bad you actually feel like killing yourself to ease the pain. contradictingly, you'll never know till you try. no pain no gain.

i want to graduate with a smile on my face. seeing the past 3 years flash past me with me laughin happily. i want my parents to be proud of me, i want my boyfriend to say that he's proud of me once again. and i want people to congratulate me that i'm graduating. i want to feel that i'm able to make my own decisions and not be tied down by projects and stuff once again. ignore my thoughts of further education for the time being.

its a whole new world out there now. at this very moment, i have so much eagerness to start a job i love yet i know how hard that possibility is. how little my chances are. i tell myself, i'll embrace each change with optimism and hope. making it work for myself. i want to depend on no one else.

after all these, i shall now go back to my dreaded final project once again though i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing or what i have to do but i shall complete it and present it on Tuesday (290305) with pride. cos its something i've struggled with for the past whole year. with so many sleepless nights and endless project meetings and terrible deadlines to meet.

wish me luck my dear friends....i'll need your support alot.